You can be an active participant in your own healing and integration. One big part of that is your attitude towards yourself. One big part of that is your attitude towards yourself, it’s learning to drop the critical internal dialogue. When you get stuck in self criticism it’s just a default mode, a habit or programming that’s not actually very useful. No matter how useful you think being self-critical is, it’s REALLY NOT.

WHY you have this habit isn’t the question we need to answer.

See, you could be self critical because your parents were critical of your behavior or appearance, to themselves, to each other. You could be self critical because you think it makes you more productive or more likeable and you could think that you do it because you deserve it. You don’t deserve it!! That’s the belief we actually really need to address, the deserving piece… I invite you to feel deserving, especially when your knee jerk reaction is to criticize, nit-pick and judge yourself.

I invite you to do the opposite instead, to tell yourself ‘Today I Choose to Relate to Myself with Care instead of Criticism’. When you catch yourself being harsh, remind yourself that you deserve care, you might not believe it at first but don’t let that stop you from shifting away from the negative commentary in your head. Keep refocusing, keep telling yourself a different narrative. When we can see our own deservingness of care/kindness, amidst all our trip-up and screw-ups, we can see our fellow humans deservingness of that same quality of attention.

Basically if you beat yourself up, you are more likely to treat others poorly, you’re also more likely to have a hard time with healthy boundaries. You might either find yourself in the pushover/doormat bunch or in the overly angry/emotionally unhinged bunch. You deserve better.

Today I Choose to Relate to Myself with Care instead of Criticism.

-Love Heather

Dear InnerYogi’s,

We are mere days away from the end of the year and that means family, travel and perhaps more feelings of stress. Don’t worry though, I’ve got your back! I’ve included a lovely guided meditation to help you melt away holiday stress.

Whether you’re braving an airport or three, hosting out of town guests or staying home to recharge, I hope this meditation will help you melt away stress.

It’s a mad dash towards the winter holidays and the end of the year!

Are you spending time with family? If so, read on. If not you can skip this one.

For most humans seeing family for any length of time means dealing with lots of difficult family dynamics. Your buttons are probably going to get pushed. Ok they will definitely get pushed, let’s be honest.

In the spirit of Summer…

Making myself a priority is at the top of my list for ways to improve any relationship. When I’m happy and nourished I show up as my best self not just for my hubby but for everybody in my life. There are lot’s of great ways to infuse good juju into your love-life and one of my personal favorites is spending time apart, even taking separate vacations!

Stepping out of the couple dynamic and having your own adventures is an amazing way to breathe new, sexy life into your partnership. You’ll each come back from your time apart with exciting stories to share, and you’ll remember what it feels like to miss each other, which is totally a good thing.

So why do so many of my clients balk at the idea initially?

The same reason I did for so long!

Guilt.

I felt guilty for wanting to spend my free time away from him, I felt bad…

Have you ever wondered if you’re settling for the wrong guy?

The fear of settling is a challenge that I see all the time working with clients. The settling song goes something like this… “He’s really great but…” And that “but” is followed by some version of enoughness. Not funny enough, educated enough, tall enough, fit enough, affluent enough, outgoing enough, available enough… “If he would just be more like X and less like Y”

I get it. It’s not fun to feel like you’re settling, like you’ve chosen the wrong option. And oh boy! Once that fear shows up it permeates the relationship and becomes a huge preoccupation. It sucks because instead of being engaged in the experience and enjoying the relationship for what it is, you’re stuck in your head. Engaged in the mental gymnastics of analyzing, ruminating and keeping score.

Frantically searching for proof that you’re with the right person is sucking the joy right out of your relationship.

If you’re singing the settling song, consider that you might be…

Hello, my name is Heather and I’m a recovering people pleaser. For me being a people pleaser has meant, taking a lot of pride in being easy-going and flexible. But it’s a compulsion, it’s neediness, and it’s often a covert maneuver that I hoped would leave me feeling adored, appreciated and indispensable.

My people pleasing clients demonstrate their love by going above and beyond in the hopes of making their love interest feel special. And at first glance it seems harmless enough, or even normal, but the truth is that people pleasing is more complex than just making a little extra effort to make somebody feel special.

It involves putting other’s needs (real or perceived) before your own and then shape shifting into the person who can meet those needs. It’s being accommodating without letting on that you feel that way, and then being surprised that nobody’s thanking you for it.

Sooner or later my dear people pleaser you will start…